Rank	Title	Release Date
1.	Bewitched	24-Jun-2005
We're sad to say that the only funny scene in the new trailer features Will Ferrell saying the word "hummus," which he pronounces "chhhhoomass." And even that's not very funny.
2.	Gone, Baby, Gone	TBA 2006
Latest cause for hilarity: Ben Affleck is making his directing debut on this project. It's a drama about detectives on the hunt for a kidnapped girl.
3.	Die Hard 4.0	TBA 2006
Latest cause for hand-wringing: If the rumors are true, Affleck will also co-star in this oh-so-unnecessary sequel.

4.	Cinderella Man	03-Jun-2005
Just once, we'd like to see Ron Howard direct a movie that's not a drama backed by a melodramatic string-filled score, as the trailer for this boxing flick makes it out to be. No, wait. His last comedy was Dr. Seuss' How the Grinch Stole Christmas, which one reviewer accurately described as "a candy-coated hemorrhoid."
5.	The Island	22-Jul-2005
What's better than one Ewan McGregor? (Don't say "one shirtless Ewan McGregor.") That's right, two Ewans! The nifty new international trailer for this Michael Bay action flick gives you double the Scottishness.
6.	Johnny Blaze	TBA 2006/2007
You've got to hand it to Eddie Murphy: No matter how badly his movies get panned (Pluto Nash, I Spy), he just keeps on cranking 'em out. It's too early to say whether this hip-hop detective comedy will be any good, but we applaud Murphy's perseverance.
7.	Spider-Man 3	04-May-2007
Speaking of perseverance, there are has-been television stars all over the greater Los Angeles area who have put down their straight razors and pre-knotted nooses after hearing the news that one of their own, Thomas Haden Church, has been cast as the villain in this film. We salute you, Thomas!
8.	Underworld: Evolution	09-Dec-2005
According to this MTV set visit, Underworld director Len Wiseman (a k a Mr. Kate Beckinsale) has a special place in his heart for soft-rock crooner Bryan Adams. Somewhere Michael Bolton is on the phone with his manager, complaining about a missed promotional opportunity.
9.	The Butterfly Effect 2	TBA 2006
A producer of this non-Ashton-starring film was quoted as saying, "Mike's pitch really took the concept of the butterfly effect to the next level." We believe that the "level" he's referring to is something like Dante's ninth level of sequel hell.
10.	Lady in the Water	21-Jul-2006
M. Night Shyamalan is switching studios for this film about a sea nymph discovered in an apartment swimming pool. We're already betting that the trademark Shyamalan surprise will reveal that there is no pool, the nymph is actually dead, and the movie is really Splash 3.
11.	Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo	12-Aug-2005
This clip is not only painfully unfunny, but the bad words have been edited out so gracelessly that it's like watching Cheech and Chong on network television.
12.	The Fountain	TBA 2005
Choice quote from a New York Times article about this film: "'The beard has been found!' one of the grips shouted triumphantly." We'd be triumphant too if we had touched fake hair that had been affixed to Hugh Jackman's face. Non sequitur alert: cute photo of Hugh with a whistle and maracas!
13.	Compositions in Black and White	TBA 2006
This movie will be penned by Motorcycle Diaries writer Jose Rivera, will star Alicia Keys, and won't include Michael Jackson, Macaulay Culkin, or lyrics about not spending your life "being a color." Yep, we just confused everyone under 30 by making a reference to a top 40 video from 1991 (Jackson's "Black or White"). Bryan Adams, is that you?
14.	A Good Woman	16-Sep-2005
We realize Helen Hunt is supposed to be an out-of-place American in this international trailer, but she sounds positively out of time, as though she could blurt out at any time, "I've been sent from the year 2005 to explore the world of aristocratic adultery!"
15.	Superman Returns	28-Jun-2006
Between her vampire role in Blade: Trinity and her recently announced evil henchwoman part in this flick, Parker Posey appears to finally be breaking into big-budget Hollywood. Tally-ho, typecasters!
16.	Deathrace 3000	TBA 2006/2007
Twelve-year-old boys (including the ones who are actually in their 20s and 30s) will no doubt enjoy this smash-up carsploitation film. The rest of us will be hiding under our desks and waiting for the blood-smeared, armored Escalades to rumble past.
17.	Curious George	30-Sep-2005
David Cross and Eugene Levy have signed on to this project. We realize that actors doing voice work rarely record together, but we would pay cold hard cash to hear a battle of comedic wits between David "Tobias Fünke" Cross and Eugene "Two Left Feet" Levy. Seriously.
18.	Everything Is Illuminated	12-Aug-2005
Elijah Wood really needs to trademark his "terrified upward-turned face" look. Example No. 1. And from this film: Example No. 2.
19.	Saw 2	28-Oct-2005
We reported that Alex Garland was writing this sequel, but when you listen to rumors, you're totally wrong sometimes. Kids, learn from us. Don't gossip. Put down US Magazine, turn off the Paris Hilton video, and go for hard facts. Hard facts like Leigh Whannel and Darren Lynn Bousman writing the script for this sequel. (Bousman is also directing.)
20.	War of the Worlds	29-Jun-2005
Here's a rare opportunity to see notoriously liberal Tim Robbins clutching a shotgun and looking ready to march for his second amendment rights.